THE POWER OF THOUGHT & PERCEPTION
I closed my eyes last night after spending 60 minute mediating and seeing my body moving, as I woke up this morning with that clear intention of movement riding through the alps, the reality of surgery hit.
I still cant move my left side, I have now lost 17kg of muscle and I lay there on my side unable to move. I thought to myself for a split second this has been 3 weeks now and I have not had any real improvements on this left side. I stopped my thoughts there and made a choice to visually ride the alps as I lay waiting for the nurse to arrive with my morning meds. It was 5am, at this time in my ward I could hear others groaning in pain which adds to the challenge of keeping your mind in an environment thats trying to convince your body that your ok and not unwell.
This surgery has provided a different level of challenges than the past three, the others seemly progressed faster and this one clearly been more aggressive has provided the ultimate test of mind, body and spirit.
I can now get onto a zimmer high frame on wheels and get myself to the shower, this takes close to 90 minutes but feels like heaven when the water runs off you after 23 hours lying in a bed everyday. The freedom you take for granted going for a shower or doing the toilet is reinforced when you can't do this. I woke up a couple of mornings ago and headed for my first shower, it felt unreal and when I got back to my bed the feeling of been fresh again was amazing. Then it happened, one of the cleaners knocked my toilet pot that I have to use and I was covered in urine… Those moments of the surreal times of a hospital bed..
In adversity there is always opportunity and this is no different, Each morning I wake up in hospital i have a choice. I can choose to be filled with fear, anger, frustration, what if or I can be filled with joy, gratitude, excitement and drive for the day ahead.
This choice each morning shapes not just my day but the next 6-12 months and the rest of my life. I believe from this hospital bed i can become my own epigenetic control centre and be defeated by my current situation or learn from it and thrive.
It is impossible to be unhappy and grateful at the same time, and the effect this has on the bodies ability to heal is incredible. It is proven that by bringing the emotions of gratitude and joy into your life each day you release chemicals such as oxytocin which has a direct effect on your bodies ability to achieve coherence. Achieving coherence is crucial for your body to function at maximum level and this is possibly most important when your lying in a hospital bed still with paralysis down one side 3 weeks after walking in with no symptoms.
I Don't try to control the outcome of this process I believe this will allow my brain waves to stay more in an alpha state and not in high beta where you end up over thinking and using your analytical mind which puts you into a high stress level.
This is the ideal time to develop my mind and learn how I can manage my energy of thought. I am doing lots of imagery work thinking about a future event in the belief that my body does not know the difference if the future event has happened or not, I then attach an emotion to this thought/image and let go of my current situation. So I close my eyes, listen to music and see myself swimming in the sea, riding a bike or walking.
It would be easy in hospital to move into Survival emotions which puts you into the in high beta - victim, anger, fear, suffering, frustration, fight or flight mode, this leads to decoherence and blocks the healing process. During this 3 weeks I have learned how important it is not to react to a situation based on negative frequency, as this puts you into more stress and into high beta.
“I know if I am going to heal I need to connect the mind, body and heart & let go of my current situation”
I need to change my mind which in turn will change my environment, I have become aware of my mind more during the last 3 weeks as there is no hiding from your thoughts when your lying 24 hours a day in a bed looking at your body praying it will move and it doesn’t.
Meditation, is connecting to your subconscious and conscious thoughts and at the same time letting go of your analytical mind.
This has never been so important than now, it would be so easy to lay here and over analysis my situation and allow the 60000 thoughts we have a day to overwhelm me and let the environment control my mind. Rather than my mind controlling my environment.
Our thoughts become us so its important to change our internal state of mind which will boost our immune system - Your choice each day defines you on a cellular level.
“Trust in the unseen - feel body move - see it move - believe its moving”
We as people are programmed so we must learn to reprogram our minds. We are shaped on past experienceswhich shape our attitudes. These attitudesin turn become or personality and then this becomes our reality. So we become our thoughts…..
if we live by same feelings every day we create the same feelings of the past. we make the same chemistry and we don't change. Which then holds us back in achieving our dreams.
This can be shaped by our perception of past events which in turn results on how we perceive our current situation. I have always seen this tumour as a challenge and not a threat, I believe this runs parallel with the resilience I have learned in sport.
So each morning I wake and can’t move I don't think back to the day before, I make the choice of setting another clear intention for the new day ahead which creates a new learning experience and puts my brain into the future and out of the past. Changing the internal chemical state allows me to become someone else from my hospital bed and not my current situation of paralysis.
I get asked about staying positive and how you do this, I believe 10min of gratitude each morning creates an energy that has a massive impact on the body, emotional stress such as anger, frustration, and anxiety gives rise to heart rhythm patterns that are erratic and this holds you back, In contrast, positive emotions send a very different signal throughout our body. When we experience uplifting emotions such as appreciation, joy, care, and love; our heart rhythm pattern becomes highly ordered and this puts our body into a healing mode.
So when you wake up you have a choice
Make the choice to shape your day
• Practice Gratitude
• Don'tjudge
• Don't moan
• Don'tbe aggressive
• Not going to be insecure
Self belief is pretty important right now, I have to believe that my left side is going to work, if I think and feel that its not going to work then my attitude will change and my self belief will drop.
To change a belief or perception you must create a hard wired intention greater than any past thought or current environment. This is something I am finding easy and mentally I am in a great place, I believe this is due to letting go and trusting the process of mind and body healing with reinforcing Gratitude.
Todays Gratitude
1 I am Grateful for my right side
2 I am Grateful I can get to the shower
3 I am Grateful i can listen to my audiobooks
4 i am Grateful to my mum who has come everyday with food and support
master emotions create opportunity through developing your Emotional intelligence
ONE MONTH ON FROM SURGERY
The mind is everything
So its now one month since surgery,I am very happy that I can move some fingers and over the moon I got leg moving from bed. Still mostly paralysed through left side, so find it hard to stand but there is always away around or over a hurdle you just have to find a way, I am working hard on getting leg moving starting at 4am most days.
"We become our thoughts, so if we approach our days with negative thoughts, our thoughts become us and we get pulled down. If we believe we create an environment that is positive and a place we can achieve greatness"
Set you intention for each day
See yourself achieving it
Practice your Gratitude